On the importance of being consistent...

There are some people who thrive with itineraries and outlines.  People who looooooove to know what they'll be doing every minute of the day, even scheduling "free time" to (ahem) mix it up a bit.  I am not one of those people.  I find myself wishing I were.  Those people understand the importance of being consistent.

A long time ago my father (who also suffers from insomnia) told me about an article he read, with an anecdote about a patient who couldn't sleep.  The patient is French.  He goes to his doctor, and the doctor tells him to get up every day at 7am, go to the Eiffel Tower, and eat an apple. Then he can do whatever else he needs to do, but he must do this same thing every day.  Sure enough, the man finds he is sleeping better at night, and he is able to function better during the day - it's a miracle.  The patient assumes it has something to do with the apple, but the doctor explains that the real miracle is being consistent.  Even if you start small, you're programming your body to expect something every day at the same time.  The patient, essentially, re-set his own internal clock.

I have never been one to go with the flow.  Ever.  I don't know why, but if you had to pick one word to describe me, I think, 'contrary' would be a good fit.  There are surely some big psychological explanations for it (that I don't particularly care to contemplate in depth), but overcoming it... well, to be quite honest - it's horrible!

I have not lost any more weight.  I have not *gained* any weight, but I haven't lost any more weight, either, and I am frustrated.  There are easier ways of doing this, but I cannot seem to embrace them.  They all involve reaching out to other human beings, and for whatever inane reason, I feel like this is something I need to conquer with limited assistance.  It feels like there are bigger life lessons that go hand in hand with losing weight.  Basic self-discipline, for one.  I am exercising at least three times a week.  I am healthier than I've been in years.  I am still interested in beating obesity into submission... and I am tired.  And whiny.  And I have two sides of my own personality battling it out in my head:

"I hurt! I'm tired! I don't like the treadmill anymore!"
"So, apparently you don't really want to lose weight, then, huh?"
"No, I do! Maybe I could just eat less?"
"Doesn't work. You have no self control with food."
"But maybe I could if I knew it meant I didn't have to exercise as much."
"If you don't exercise, you're not releasing any endorphins, and that, coupled with not eating as much will derail this whole process!"

It is exhausting living inside my brain sometimes.  I would be willing to bet that I would be much further along in my weight-loss journey if I had simply made the commitment to getting up every morning at 6:30am to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes.  I really think consistency is the first key to self-discipline and goal achievement.

The final weigh-in of our little competition is next Tuesday.  I have 6 days left to lose weight, and I am uninspired.  I've got $50 of my own riding on this, and the potential to win $50 each from my three friends who have joined me in this competition.  That's a lot of money in my world... time to get back on the treadmill! 

Incentives

It's been a while since I've written - partially because I'm still kind of stuck on that last post, mulling it over.  While I still agree with it in theory, the practical application is lost on me.  Here's what I know: if I'm not going to be happier having lost this weight, I'm not entirely certain that I'm going to be able to suck it up at 5:30am to bounce and jiggle my way to ... what?  To slimmer thighs?

I have had a lengthy series of jobs that always seem to fall short in some capacity.  Predominantly, it's been in the area of benefits.  I cannot help but believe that attractive, happy people have more good things happen to/for them.  They draw good things to themselves... I see it; I know it.  I want that.  Newton's laws don't apply just to the visible world.

It's hard for me to want this just for myself.  I started this weight-loss group because I know that I am always more inclined to do things for other people than I am to do things for myself.  I don't know if it's some stupid self-sacrificing martyr complex or if it's more simply that I just *really* enjoy doing nice things for other people.  It's probably a combination of the two.

I had really hoped to be inspired by the weight-loss of my peers in this group, but everyday life seems to have gotten the best of each of us.  We have agreed to no more weigh-ins until the final one at the end of August.  That gives me 17 days to kick it into high gear and hope that it's enough to win the bet.  Otherwise I'm out fifty bucks!  But more importantly, I need to figure out how I'm going to move forward after the next 17 days.  Even though this was a fun summer project, as mothers our busiest time of year starts this month.  School.  Homework.  Sleepovers.  Sports teams.  And all of us work. 

How do I stay on track to keep losing weight and eating healthier without the competition?  I know the most basic incentive: extending my lifespan.  But against whom shall I compete?  The calendar?  Maybe that's the answer... plotting out realistic goals.  Certainly I was unrealistic to believe I could lose 40lbs in a summer... well, that's not totally unrealistic, only within the time constraints I have.  If it were a full-time job losing this weight, I think I could do it.

I guess I'd better go break out the calendar and start plotting.  The end of the month is just around the corner, and we all know how the holidays come out of nowhere as soon as school starts.